This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
