By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
