Don't you send me to vm
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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