Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
