Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
