fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
