And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
