U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
