u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
