so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
