nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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