only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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