sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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