No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
