Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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