Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
