I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
