i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
