Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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