People with herpes should wear stickers.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
