Got a toothbrush?
Do you still have your period?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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