Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I just put wine in my tea
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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