Already got asked if we're dating
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God, I missed his penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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