tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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