All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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