I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
