Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
