your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think my fart just growled at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
