I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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