I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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