Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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