We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
