Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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