i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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