Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
