I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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