We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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