my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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