Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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