it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
