shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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