my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
