mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
