If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry my hands just texted you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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