I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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