Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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