You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
