take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
