Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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