Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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