Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
love makes seman taste better
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remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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