I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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