i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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