After last night, I could never be a politician.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
