you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
