Define "chronic" masturbator.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
