i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize