I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
