It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I AM VODKA MAN
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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