you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
